Learn to let go...!!!

Just came across a sad song that I listened to after a long time.. and a thought suddenly struck me... what percentage of songs and literature is dedicated to mourning for the ones who are gone...!!! almost 75%.. thats a huge percentage... of all the songs we listen to, there are around 75% songs that are based on either the gone moments, or on missing someone, or remembering some long gone loved ones.... (as per my observation..).. What came to my mind is..

WHY???

Why we do so? why don't we just learn to Let go..?

Why don't we compromise on the facts that some people just aren't meant for us... or instead of mourning over gone moments, we should be happy that atleast we had them once...!!
The Answer is simple, because we don't want to... :) getting rid of old memories is diffcuilt than hanging on to them.. so everyone goes for the easier option.., not knowing what the consequences can be of sticking to same old point...!!

A person can make his/her life better by just realizing this... All is not gone.. the things that's gone was not meant for you... !! you have something better in store from God... :)

so, learn to forget.. learn to forgive.. and Learn to let Go.. !!!

Don't consider anyone or anything so important in your life that you won't be able to survive without them.... !!Love everyone, and help everyone.. but keep in mind that the person you helped once, might not come back to you in your hour of need.. thats totally Okay... someone else will surely come, or better still, you might find the way out of problem yourself.... God doesn't leave anyone alone... !!

Seriously, I've seen cases, where people ruin their lives for the gone ones, without even realizing it..!! Please come out of it...! you can either build or destroy your life with your own actions and thoughts....!! There's nothing more important than your own life... and your happiness.!!
Learn to live every moment of it,, and Don't look back..!!!
Just go forward in the search of a better present and future... Past is gone and won't come back..
I guess, enough debate.. gonna sleep now.. have Fun.. :)

Who Is Stopping You? (Part Four)

The greatest barrier to your success is not the economy, your work habits or your opportunities. Your greatest source of stress is not money or the weather or any physical thing.

The biggest source of business problems, career difficulties and personal stress is the antisocial personality. The type of person who is devious, mean-spirited, cruel, hostile or negative. The one who openly or secretly opposes you, cuts you down and causes you trouble.

When you handle or disconnect from an antisocial person, you feel better. You relax. You succeed more than you fail. You have less to fight on your way to your goals.

The antisocial is also known as a suppressive person as he or she prefers to suppress your success, hold down your progress and stop your happiness.

The first four characteristics of an antisocial person are covered in previous TipsForSuccess articles which you can read at www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial1.htm, www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial2.htm and www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial3.htm.

Characteristic #5

“5. Surrounding such a personality we find cowed* or ill associates or friends who, when not driven actually insane, are yet behaving in a crippled manner in life, failing, not succeeding.” -- L. Ron Hubbard (*cowed: intimidated, frightened)

Like most people, you have good intentions and try to improve your life. Your statistics in life go up; life gets better.

But then you talk to an antisocial. He or she makes you feel like you are failing.

“You’re so weak! Act like a grownup. Get a real job. Don’t be such an idiot!”

“Everyone will think you’re a jerk if you buy that Mercedes.”

“If you don’t do what I say, your life will fall apart and you will suffer.”

If you believe statements like these, you feel afraid. You may get sick. Your production statistics and income will not improve.

With willpower, you may fight your way out of the mental turbulence and start to succeed . . . for a while. But then the antisocial will find a way to bring you down.

The stress of such situations is extreme. The stress can make you ill. As long as you are associated with the antisocial, you may never recover from an illness.

When you talk to an antisocial, you may feel all kinds of emotions: rage, grief, apathy and so on.

The opposite is true with a social person.

“The friends and associates of a social personality tend to be well, happy and of good morale.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

Have you ever felt wonderful after talking to someone? You are talking to a social personality. He or she wishes you success.

The social person helps you increase your productivity. When you make a large amount of money, he or she is delighted and never jealous. You can trust the social personality.

Some social persons have powerful personalities. They help you solve problems. They lift your spirits. If you are sick, they seem to make your illness disappear, just by talking to you!

Characteristic #6

“6. The antisocial personality habitually selects the wrong target.” “If a tire is flat from driving over nails, he or she curses a companion or a noncausative source of the trouble. If the radio next door is too loud, he or she kicks the cat.” “If A is the obvious cause, the antisocial personality inevitably blames B, or C or D.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

Terrorism, war and murder are, of course, wrong targets. No purpose is served by killing people.

Charles Manson persuaded his followers to commit several murders. He testified he was trying to improve the “establishment.” Later, he said a Beatle’s song made him do it.

Politicians, psychiatrists and social workers often select wrong targets. “Our mayor seems to encourage crime.” “He steals because of his chemical imbalance.” “She needs more welfare money because she had a bad childhood.”

You see examples of wrong targets every day: The driver on the road behind you who blames you for making him late for work. The patient who blames the doctor for his cancer. A man who can’t pay his bills and so blames his boss.

Prejudice and biased views are good examples of wrong targets. “We keep our company fresh and hip by never hiring anyone over the age of 45.” “Republicans have ruined the economy.” “Homosexuals are a threat to my marriage.”

Correct Targets

The social personality selects correct targets. “Our customer service is why our customers give us their repeat business.” “I’m fat because I eat lots of junk food and never exercise.” “If you constantly learn new skills and work harder, you’ll make more money.”

Intelligent social people can find correct targets to any problem. Examples: “You are broke because you don’t organize your finances and control your spending.” “The only reason you’re not married is you do not find out what your girlfriends really want.” “Give bonuses to employees who do the most production and your business will thrive.”

When you have the correct target for a problem, the solution is obvious and it solves the problem.

Reference: http://www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial4.htm

Who is Stopping You? (Part Three)

Do you know someone who appears kind and polite, but makes your work and life difficult? This person may be an antisocial person. He or she can make you feel like you are riding a roller coaster.

You feel good one day and bad the next. You are productive and efficient one week, but then waste time and get nothing done the next week. Your mood goes up and down, apparently with no explanation.

Abraham Lincoln was known for his mood swings. Sometimes he was energetic, ambitious and cheerful. Other times, he was withdrawn, exhausted and unable to sleep. Winston Churchill was also on a roller coaster: forceful, energized and brilliant one day, depressed and drinking the next. Imagine how much more these men would have accomplished if they had been more stable. They did not recognize nor handle the antisocial people around them.

Businesses are also prone to ups and downs because of antisocial people. One week your productivity and income are doing very well. The next, you have major problems.

Marriages and families can go through the same ride. Happy and loving one month, unfriendly and argumentative the next month. If this happens to you, someone may be secretly messing up your family and marriage.

Luckily, you can handle the negative people in your life. You can take control of your progress. You can have a stable, steadily improving business, career, marriage, family and life.

The first step is to recognize who is causing you trouble and what they are up to.

In two previous articles, we outlined three characteristics of the Antisocial Personality. (See links below.)

Characteristic #4

“4. A characteristic, and one of the sad things about an antisocial personality, is that it does not respond to treatment or reform. . . .” -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, while most people find a walk to be refreshing, even therapeutic, an antisocial person complains about walks. “I don’t enjoy walks . . . just look at all that polluted air . . . the city needs to do something about those weeds . . . you shouldn’t be outside for so long.”

Improving life circumstances, like moving to a better home or learning a new skill, makes most people happier, but not an antisocial. He or she does not change for the better. No matter how hard you try to help the antisocial person’s performance, work skills or productivity, nothing changes.

You can waste years trying to make an antisocial kind, considerate or supportive, with no change. For example, antisocials will beat their wives or kids until someone threatens them. They pretend they have changed and then start the beatings again.

The antisocial is the constant complainer; the critic who is never happy; the whiner who threatens to leave you. He or she acts kind and thoughtful . . . while stabbing you in the back.

If you open your eyes and face the truth, you eventually realize you cannot help the person, no matter how hard you try.

The opposite characteristic is true of the social personality.

“It is often enough to point out unwanted conduct to a social personality to completely alter it for the better.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, you say, “Ed, you won’t stay married for long if you yell at your wife.” Ed says, “Oh, yea, you’re right. I’m sorry.” Because Ed is a social person, he no longer yells at his wife.

Employees, bosses and coworkers, who are social personalities, are fun to work with. They are considerate and kind. They change and improve themselves.

For example, a telephone company gives people-skills training to its employees. Each employee can learn how to provide better service to customers. Social personalities enjoy the training and improve their work skills. Antisocial personalities complain about the training and, if forced to do the training, show no improvement.

If you supervise a social employee, correction is simple. “Sally, please don’t use your computer for personal shopping.” Sally says, “Okay” and stops shopping with her computer from then on.

Are You an Antisocial Person?

“Self-criticism is a luxury the antisocial cannot afford.” “Only the sane, well-balanced person tries to correct his conduct.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

Do you criticize yourself and try to correct your behavior? If so, you are not antisocial.

For example, a father finds a broken vase and asks his 7-year-old son, “Who broke the vase? Did you break it?” His son says, “No, I didn’t!” The father gets angry and spanks him for breaking a vase and lying about it.

His wife comes into the room with a broom and says, “I need to clean up the vase I broke.”

The social person would say, “Son, I’m sorry for not believing you. I’ll be more trusting in the future. I owe you a big pizza and ice cream, okay?”

The antisocial personality would say, “The kid deserved the spanking for something else he probably did. You need to show these kids who the boss is.”

Just about anyone can be made to act like an antisocial if he or she is pushed hard enough by an antisocial. For example, antisocial parents teach their children to be antisocial. The key is whether or not the person easily changes to a social personality, once he or she realizes the truth.
If you want to improve your conduct, you will. You have a social personality!

Reference: http://www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial3.htm

Who is Stopping You? (Part Two)

A Los Angeles Police Department study determined only 2% of the population was dangerous and harmful to society. Years earlier, L. Ron Hubbard determined the percentage of antisocials to be 2.5% with another 17.5% of the population influenced so heavily by antisocials that they begin to act like antisocial personalities.

You could say 20% or less of the people you know are causing 80% or more of your troubles. One out of five people are not helping you succeed. These are the people who hope you will fail.

Once you discover which people in your life are antisocial, they have less influence over you. Because you know they want you to fail, you no longer listen to them. You also know who your friends are. Luckily, most people are on your side and hope you will succeed!

Part One covered the first characteristic of the antisocial personality: they speak in generalities. For example, “Everyone thinks you are too inexperienced,” “No one likes what you said” or “America is terrified.” Go to www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial1.htm to read “Who is Stopping You? (Part One). The second and third characteristics are covered below with more characteristics in the next two TipsForSuccess articles.

You can tell the difference between an antisocial and social person based on the topics of conversation they select.

Antisocial Characteristic #2

“2. Such a person deals mainly in bad news, critical or hostile remarks . . .”

“It is notable that there is no good news or complimentary remark passed on by such a person.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

The social person is the opposite.

“2. The social personality is eager to relay good news and reluctant to relay bad.

“He may not even bother to pass along criticism when it doesn’t matter.”

“He is more interested in making another feel liked or wanted than disliked by others and tends to err toward reassurance rather than toward criticism.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

Examples:

Antisocial: “Did you hear about the guy who blew his brains out last week?”

Social: “Did you hear about the guy who won the lottery last week?”

Antisocial: “So that was your fancy chicken dish? My mother’s chicken is better.”

Social: “Great chicken. Thanks!”

Antisocial: “Everyone in the office thinks you work too hard which is why you look so tired.”

Social: “Paul wishes he could work as hard as you. I think you set an excellent example for all of us.”

Antisocial Characteristic #3
“3. The antisocial personality alters, to worsen, communication when he or she relays a message or news. Good news is stopped and only bad news, often embellished*, is passed along.

“Such a person also pretends to pass on ‘bad news’ which is in actual fact invented.” -- L. Ron Hubbard (*embellish: to add fictitious details to)

Just passing on bad news is not enough for antisocials. They prefer to make it sound worse. If the truth is not bad enough, they often make up some bad news for extra punch.

Neighborhood gossipers, politicians and news reporters use antisocial statements. “Marge seems to have a different man’s car in front of her house every night.” “Unlike my political opponent, I will not tolerate child pornography!” “Many questions exist about Pete’s sudden wealth.”

The social person has a different approach.

“3. A social personality passes communication without much alteration and if deleting anything, tends to delete injurious matters.

“He does not like to hurt people’s feelings.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

Examples of social personality statements: “Marge is finally getting out and meeting some men. I couldn’t be happier for her.” “If I am elected, I will work hard to give our children a better education.” “I think Pete is finally getting ahead because of his wonderful new restaurant.”

Television news and newspapers often worsen the facts.

For example, a few years ago, CBS reported, “HUNDREDS FEARED DEAD IN FLOOD” when a storm flooded parts of California . . . two people died. In October 2001, CNN reported, “THE TALIBAN SENDS 300,000 TROOPS TO BORDERS” . . . fewer than 10,000 actually showed up.

An easy way to reduce your stress and feel happier is to stop reading newspapers and stop watching the news on television. Try it!

Good Messengers and Bad Messengers

Antisocial personalities are horrible messengers. Social personalities try to be accurate.

For example, the boss tells an antisocial messenger, "Andy, please tell Liza she’s doing a great job and can leave early.”

Andy says, "Liza, the boss wants you to go home right now. He seemed pretty unhappy.”

If Andy was a social person, he would say, “Liza, the boss says you’re doing a great job and you can leave early. Good for you!”

Antisocials not only hope people get upset and fail, they also enjoy war. For example, perhaps a few antisocials were hard at work in Washington, DC in 2003. “Everyone knows Iraq has tons of weapons of mass destruction. Iraq was probably part of the 9/11 attacks. Saddam Hussein spent millions to buy atomic bombs that can hit the USA!”

Social personalities pass on facts. “Here is an eyewitness report from 1991 that Iraq had 500 barrels of mustard gas. These two 1999 reports are from Iraqi officers who say they leaked false reports about atomic weapons in order to scare Iran. These photos from last week show a pile of missile shells.”
Marriage

Good marriages are supported by social persons. When a marriage goes bad, you can find one or more antisocials mixed in.

For example, Fred says, “Don’t tell your wife I said this, but she and Pierre have been getting awfully friendly.”

Fred then says to the wife, “Don’t tell your husband I said this, but his daily hugs with Cherry are getting pretty intimate.”

Even though there is nothing going on, the husband and wife suddenly suspect a problem and start fighting.

Antisocials also say things like, “Everyone fools around.” “I wish I was still single, don’t you?” “Most couples constantly argue.”

Social personalities paint a different picture. “Statistically, most married people are faithful.” “Married people are healthier and live longer.” “There’s nothing better than a good marriage!”

Of course, if you are married to an antisocial person, you might feel stressed by the steady stream of criticisms and bad news. You may even throw a few negative comments around yourself. Luckily, most people can become more social if they want to change.

Five Recommendations

1. Notice who around you likes to pass on bad news and criticisms. Observe who might be making bad news seem even worse.

If you know who is trying to stop you by stabbing you in the back with bad news, critical remarks and invented bad news, they will have less power over you.

2. Let these people know you do not want their negative comments. If they do not stop, reduce your contact with them.

3. Notice who likes to pass on good news and compliments. Observe who avoids negative topics and likes to talk about positive subjects.

If you know who is social and trying to make the world a better place to live, you will know who you can trust.

4. Let these people know you appreciate them and want to support them.

5. Work on becoming more social yourself. Do not pass on bad news, rumors or criticisms that no one needs to know. Try to compliment people and pass on good news.

If you live your life as a social person as much as possible, you and the people around you have a much better chance of succeeding.

Reference: http://www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial2.htm

Who is stopping you? (Part 1)

I got this article from Tips Of Success.. so, thought of sharing with friends.. :)

Who is Stopping You? (Part One)

The biggest barrier to a successful career is not a lack of opportunities, the job market or your city. It’s certain people.

Specifically, antisocial people—people who are devious, mean-spirited, cruel, hostile or negative. People who oppose you, treat you with disrespect and cause you trouble. They are trying to stop you.

“When we trace the cause of a failing business, we will inevitably discover somewhere in its ranks the antisocial personality hard at work.”

“It is important then to examine and list the attributes of the antisocial personality. Influencing as it does the daily lives of so many, it well behooves* decent people to become better informed on this subject.” -- L. Ron Hubbard (*behooves: to be necessary or proper for)

One of the most famous antisocial personalities was Adolf Hitler. Hitler loved children and pets. He was a vegetarian who neither smoked nor drank. He was kind and considerate to the ladies, secretaries and chauffeurs. Most people thought Hitler was a nice guy, but he organized the deaths of millions of people.

Antisocial personalities can be anyone: doctors, lawyers, politicians, business leaders, police officers, newspaper reporters, employees, men, women, old, young . . . anyone. They can be family members, spouses and colleagues. You probably know a few antisocial people.

When antisocial people are openly nasty or critical of you, you know who they are. They say, “You are an idiot” or “That idea of yours is the worst idea I’ve ever heard.” They stab you in your chest, not your back. You can deal with them directly.

The worst types of antisocial persons are those who hide their true intentions. They stab you in the back so you can’t catch them. They say, “Everyone thinks your ideas are silly” or “I heard a rumor the police might be investigating you” or “You look so tired; why don’t you take a vacation?”

Antisocials make you sick. For example, you are enjoying your day and getting a lot done. Suddenly, for no apparent reason, you feel a little upset. Your stomach and head hurt.

You review who just talked to you. Mary gave you a report and made a nice comment about the weather. Fred asked to borrow your pen and was very polite. The computer guy needed to look at my computer and said something about my computer infecting the whole network.

You think, “What was the computer guy talking about? Why did he waste so much of my time? And why are the computers always having problems? I’d better watch out for this guy.”

Suddenly, you feel better. You have spotted an antisocial person. Your day is pleasant again.

L. Ron Hubbard identified twelve characteristics of the antisocial person. The first way to spot them is to notice how they speak.

Generalities

“The antisocial personality has the following attributes:

Characteristic # 1

“1. He or she speaks only in very broad generalities. They say . . .’ ‘Everybody thinks . . .’ ‘Everyone knows . . .’ and such expressions are in continual use, particularly when imparting rumor.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

Have you ever been to a meeting when someone said, "We’re all having troubles because of the economy," “People don’t like anyone who’s too successful” or "Everyone in this area is having a rough time"? These are generalities.

Whenever you hear a statement that starts, "Everyone says . . . “ or “All the citizens feel . . . “ or "The employees think . . . ,” you must perk up your ears. You have just heard the beginning of a generality.

Now if the generality is a good message, you can relax. “Everyone thinks you are doing a great job!” “No one was late today.” “All the carpenters appreciate the wood you bought.”

However, if the message is negative, the speaker is pointing a knife at your back. “No one believes your little act.” “Everyone thinks the pay is too low.” “No one wears their hair like that any more.”

One reason the news media is such a poor influence on society is because of their generalities. Just listen to the news or read a newspaper and you see generalities. “America was shocked and saddened . . .” “Sources revealed that . . .” “Critics asked why the President said . . .”

The newspaper reporter would not be as upsetting if he or she was specific. “My daughter asked me why the President said . . .”

Because antisocial people want you and others to fail, they confuse and upset you with generalities.

How to Respond

“When asked, ‘Who is everybody . . .’ it normally turns out to be one source and from this source the antisocial person has manufactured what he or she pretends is the whole opinion of the whole society.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

Example:

You: “Nancy, you say everyone thinks I make too much money. Who exactly?”

Nancy: "Oh, uh, well, you know, everyone I talk to. It’s common knowledge.”

You: "Can you tell me who exactly?”

Nancy: "I don’t know, I can’t remember. I’ll ask around.”

You: “I’m going to assume you made this all up. Don’t say things like that to me again.”

Social Personality

While the antisocials are tearing down the world, the world social personalities are improving it. Constructive people make life better for those around them. Fortunately, most people are social personalities.

Social personalities are opposite of the antisocial personality. For example, they are specific.

“The social personality is specific in relating circumstances. ‘Joe Jones said . . . ‘ ’The Star Newspaper reported . . . ‘ and gives sources of data where important or possible.

“He may use the generality of ‘they’ or ‘’people’ but seldom in connection with attributing statements or opinions of an alarming nature.” -- L. Ron Hubbard

Examples of social personality statements: “Patty and Joan want raises.” “Everyone’s happy you’re back from vacation.” “Steve loved your speech.”

Even if the social personality is passing bad news, it is not upsetting. For example, “Kelly and Roger have decided to move to Los Angeles to help their son produce documentaries.”

The antisocial thinks bad news is an opportunity to upset you. “It seems like lots of people are leaving us . . . Kelly, Roger and others. Maybe they don’t like how you treat them.”

Recommendation :

Every time you hear a generality regarding bad news this week, reject the information. Assume the person is either careless or antisocial. Instead, ask “Who is everybody?” or “Who exactly?”

Reference:

http://www.tipsforsuccess.org/antisocial1.htm